Peanut Butter Forever!

By Jim Hagarty

I just returned from my nightly walk around the block.

Tonight was a little unusual in that I stopped to talk to a neighbour, out giving her doggie his bedtime pee. Feeling the need to explain why I was out walking so late at night, I told her my doctor says I need to walk.

Well, she grabbed onto that, one thing led to another and the conversation took a horrible turn when she began rattling off the evils of processed peanut butter. I was commanded to quit that shit as it is full of sugar and salt. In her fridge, is a nice big jar of natural, organic peanut butter, no additives. We have a jar of that stuff in our fridge too and now and then, if I am desperate, I will scoop out a spoonful. To call it peanut “butter” would be to call a round hunk of asphalt a cherry pie. The worst thing about natural peanut butter is it tastes, well, like peanuts.

I like the peanut butter that has eliminated any association with the peanut, while keeping the brown colour.

I made my neighbour no promises to quit that shit but maybe some day I will.

I will do it, in fact, on the day I cut myself up a nice big slice of asphalt pie.

Author: Jim Hagarty

I am a 72-year-old retired journalist, busy recovering from a lifelong career as an unretired journalist. This year marks a half century of my scratching out little fables about life. My interests include genealogy, humour and music. I live in a little blue shack in Canada and spend most of my time trying to stay out of trouble. I am not that good at it. I also spent years teaching journalism. Poor state of journalism today: My fault. I have a family I don't deserve, a dog that adores me, and two cars the junk yard refuses to accept. My prized possessions include my old guitar and a razor my Dad gave me when I was 14 and which I still use when I bother to shave. Oh, and my great-great-grandfather's blackthorn stick he brought from Ireland in the 1850s. I have only one opinion but it is a good one: People take too many showers.