The Hunt for a New TV

By Jim Hagarty
2016

The Hagarty household is so far behind the times, we do not even have a flatscreen TV.

So, the decision has been made that this family embarrassment just has to end. I have been given strict orders that I am not to go to any more second-hand stores and bring home any more perfectly good TVs for $8. Let me repeat that: $8.

Let the investigation phase begin. Or to put it better, to resume. I have been researching flatscreen TVs for 10 years, never once coming close to buying one, but becoming more knowledgeable about them than some of the salespeople in the stores. I have had conversations with some of these young men and women and before the talk has ended, I have told them information about their TVs that they obviously didn’t know. Strangely, they have always found reasons to go serve someone else.

Still, all my brilliance aside, no flatscreen TVs at the Hagartys. This is despite the fact that there are five TVs in the house, four of them on active duty.

But, that all ends this Christmas. On the morning of the big day, a flatscreen will be sitting in the corner by the Christmas tree. So like a tiger on the hunt for a hapless wildebeest, I quietly, stealthily, make my approach. I go online to look anonymously.

And there it is, after five minutes of searching:

A Sony Model XBR75Z9D. It is a 75-inch beauty.

Only $11,999.99

But just below it, unbelievably, is an 85-inch Sony for only $11,499.99, a full $500 less. How can they give you 10 inches more for $500 less?

Forget those two, however, and I did when I scrolled down a bit further.

A 100-inch Sony for which no price is listed. In the same way you will never see a price advertised for a Rolls Royce. If you have to ask the price, you can’t afford it. I have to email the company for a quote.

But this is the one.

It has:

4K HDR Processor X1 Extreme
Object-based HDR remaster
Backlight Master Drive
Dual database processing
Super Bit Mapping 4K HDR
Backlight Master Drive Calibrated beam LED design
Backlight Master Drive Discrete LED control
X-tended Dynamic Range PRO: backlight brilliance
4K X-Reality PRO
TRILUMINOS Display
Motionflow XR
3D
Google Cast
Google Play
Clear Audio Plus
Clear Phase
DSEE Digital Sound Enhancement Engine
Cinematic S-Force Front Surround
Photo Sharing Plus
IR Blastercontrol (remote control)
Video and TV SideView app

These are all the things I have been pining for for the past decade and now the time is right. So, I will email for a quote. And with the $8 saved that I would have spent on another second-hander, I will be able to make a good downpayment.

Providing also that our son and daughter drop out of university and I go back to delivering goat’s milk door to door.

It you would like some goat’s milk, please email me for a quote.

Author: Jim Hagarty

I am a 72-year-old retired journalist, busy recovering from a lifelong career as an unretired journalist. This year marks a half century of my scratching out little fables about life. My interests include genealogy, humour and music. I live in a little blue shack in Canada and spend most of my time trying to stay out of trouble. I am not that good at it. I also spent years teaching journalism. Poor state of journalism today: My fault. I have a family I don't deserve, a dog that adores me, and two cars the junk yard refuses to accept. My prized possessions include my old guitar and a razor my Dad gave me when I was 14 and which I still use when I bother to shave. Oh, and my great-great-grandfather's blackthorn stick he brought from Ireland in the 1850s. I have only one opinion but it is a good one: People take too many showers.