Larry the Lawyer

By Jim Hagarty
2017

There is simply no one thing I like about Larry Klayman. I like everything about him. He’s a man’s man and a lawyer who is not afraid to pull on the levers of the justice system.

Larry is no wimp. He has sued just about everybody you can think of. It would not surprise me, in fact, if he has taken actual wimps to court on charges of diluting the gene pool.

Think I am kidding?

Larry has a class action lawsuit on the go against black people. In particular, black people who voice the opinion that racism still exists in the United States.

He has filed a lawsuit against President Barack Obama, Louis Farrakhan, Eric Holder, Al Sharpton and Black Lives Matter for supposedly starting a race war, causing the murder of cops, and endangering the life of Larry Klayman.

The gist of the suit is that all of the black people in the country are lying about racism existing for no apparent reason, when Larry Klayman is absolutely sure it does not. And by mentioning this, and being mad about it, and saying it is a problem, they are making the world an unsafe place for Larry Klayman to live in. Mentioning that racism exists, he says, encourages “anti-white” hatred.

He says he has been looking for a reason to do this for quite some time now. (And boy howdy, he really has been, what with Obama turning White House employees into his “white slaves” and forcing people to be racists.)

larry-klayman

Larry does like the late Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. who was a peaceful man and for Obama and others to equate themselves with King is a blasphemy leading one writer to conjecture, “Yes, probably if Martin Luther King were alive today he would totally hate all the black people, including his friend Al Sharpton, and he would hang around with Larry Klayman and Sarah Palin instead! He would also pat them on the head and agree with them that the only way for us to unite as a country is for black people to just pretend racism doesn’t exist, so that they don’t hurt anyone’s feelings or anything!”

Larry believes it’s not that police brutality against black people has been going on for centuries but only started getting media attention once black people got smartphones, it’s that black people lied about police brutality existing.

For all his efforts, mean judges in California and New York have banned Larry from their courtrooms for life, which I think is a little excessive.

Larry has been especially hard on Bill and Hillary Clinton, following them around the country like a groupie at a rock concert. From time to time, he has even won some money for his efforts. Good for him!

But this following bit of information really sealed it for me and won my everlasting admiration for my man Larry Klayman.

In 1998 Larry sued his mother for $50,000, seeking reimbursement for medical care provided to his maternal grandmother. I think for a lawyer to sue his own mom is about the epitome of courage.

But the list of people and organizations my hero has sued over the years is so long, it would take me all day to list them. He has filed two or three lawsuits each morning, in fact, before you and I have a chance to get our pants on.

And now, in the wake of the election of Donald Trump, Larry sees his big chance. He wants all liberals locked up.

“It’s us or them,” says Larry. “The country isn’t big enough for both of us.”

Here here!

All rise!

Author: Jim Hagarty

I am a 65-year-old retired journalist, busy recovering from a lifelong career as an unretired journalist. This year marks a half century of my scratching out little fables about life. My interests include genealogy, humour and music. I live in a little blue shack in Canada and spend most of my time trying to stay out of trouble. I am not that good at it. I also spent years teaching journalism. Poor state of journalism today: My fault. I have a family I don’t deserve, a dog that adores me, and two cars the junk yard refuses to accept. My prized possessions include my old guitar and a razor my Dad gave me when I was 14 and which I still use when I bother to shave. Oh, and my great-great-grandfather’s blackthorn stick he brought from Ireland in the 1850s. I have only one opinion but it is a good one: People take too many showers.

One thought on “Larry the Lawyer”

Leave a Reply