(From thebayfieldbunch.com)
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Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?
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There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up and asked, “Did you get my drift?”
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Why is Saudi Arabia free of mental illness? There are nomad people there.
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When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, “Are you two an item?”
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I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50 that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, ‘no, the steaks are too high.’
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I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way
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Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist’s Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
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Show me where Stalin’s buried and I’ll show you a communist plot.
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A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, “You can come in, but don’t start anything!”
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This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Four bucks,” says the bartender. “Put it on my bill.”
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A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: “I’m lookin’ fer the man who shot my paw.”
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A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”
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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “So, why the long face?”
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Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.
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Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.
