The High Cost of Marital Bliss

By Jim Hagarty
2015

The keys to a successful marriage, I am here to tell you, are these: Balance and Priorities.

A few weeks ago, our Internet router sputtered. It had to be restarted once a day, sometimes more. It seemed to be slowing down. I rushed out the store and bought a new one for just under $200. Life is good again.

Last year, our vacuum cleaner powerhead quit. Without it, attempts to vacuum the carpets were very sad.

Months went by. I went into a second-hand store and there it was. A beautiful, bagless Hoover upright. Perfect. Even better was the price: $7.

Computer network: $200. Housecleaning: $7. A good marriage is also a matter of math.

Forward any further questions you might have to my lawyer.

(Update 2017: A few weeks ago, my wife sucked up a sock in the beaters of the Hoover, burning out the motor in the process. Total accident, of course, though it is odd that the match for the churned up sock has never been found. It is almost as though this one was especially selected. A brand new Hoover has now joined our arsenal. Cost: $200.)

Author: Jim Hagarty

I am a 72-year-old retired journalist, busy recovering from a lifelong career as an unretired journalist. This year marks a half century of my scratching out little fables about life. My interests include genealogy, humour and music. I live in a little blue shack in Canada and spend most of my time trying to stay out of trouble. I am not that good at it. I also spent years teaching journalism. Poor state of journalism today: My fault. I have a family I don't deserve, a dog that adores me, and two cars the junk yard refuses to accept. My prized possessions include my old guitar and a razor my Dad gave me when I was 14 and which I still use when I bother to shave. Oh, and my great-great-grandfather's blackthorn stick he brought from Ireland in the 1850s. I have only one opinion but it is a good one: People take too many showers.