The Key Finder

By Jim Hagarty
2018
Many of us lose our keys on a regular basis. Lucky for me, I finally have a solution for the problem. For Christmas, I was given a key finder, a little miracle device. So when I lost my keys today, I knew science was on my side at last. The problem is, I could not find the key finder and now need a key finder finder. I don’t know how the blasted thing works but I suspect it needs to be attached to my key ring. But the irony of it all is kind of delicious. It reminds me of a special blade that is sold in stores which is advertised to make easy work of getting into products that are enclosed in hard, glass-like moulded plastic. The hilarity of this thing is that the blade is enclosed in hard, glass-like moulded plastic as it hangs on the shelf at the hardware store. How am I supposed to get it out of the Fort Knox package and not leave my hands bruised and bloodied? In any case, I somehow lost my keys between the garage and my car, a distance of about three feet. I searched for a frantic half hour and was just about to sneak a bomb under the car and blow it up when I finally found them. In the ignition, of course. Turns out, I am the key finder. No science involved.

Author: Jim Hagarty

I am a 72-year-old retired journalist, busy recovering from a lifelong career as an unretired journalist. This year marks a half century of my scratching out little fables about life. My interests include genealogy, humour and music. I live in a little blue shack in Canada and spend most of my time trying to stay out of trouble. I am not that good at it. I also spent years teaching journalism. Poor state of journalism today: My fault. I have a family I don't deserve, a dog that adores me, and two cars the junk yard refuses to accept. My prized possessions include my old guitar and a razor my Dad gave me when I was 14 and which I still use when I bother to shave. Oh, and my great-great-grandfather's blackthorn stick he brought from Ireland in the 1850s. I have only one opinion but it is a good one: People take too many showers.