Drivin’ Around

By Jim Hagarty

In my teens I drove around looking for parties where young single women might be.
In my twenties I drove around looking for pubs with cold beer.
In my thirties I drove around looking for coffee shops.
In my forties I drove around looking for hamburger joints.
In my fifties I drove around looking for ATMs.
In my sixties I drive around looking for places to pee.

The Great Supper Thief

Toby on leash

By Jim Hagarty

I was just now playing chase with my dog Toby in the backyard. He was really bootin’ it. But he had just eaten his supper. So he stopped and soon was staring down at the very same supper, displayed nicely on the grass. He came over to me, looking sad. I patted him, told him not to worry. And went to get the equipment necessary to clean up the mess. But when I returned, it was to discover that the equipment was not necessary. Apparently, and this can be the only explanation, someone climbed the privacy fence into our yard, sneaked over and stole our doggy’s supper. How mean. Toby, meanwhile, seems to have recovered.

My Buddy and Me

By Jim Hagarty

A robin landed on my lawn today
And looked at me in a funny way.
This robin and I are buddies fair.
I was glad to see him there.

I first met Robin in my yard when
I was digging in my garden.
He waddled along close behind
And ate the worms that I would find.

And every spring since that first one
He returns for a visit home.
He lands beside me on the lawn
And wonders where my shovel’s gone.

So from the shed I get my digger
And Robin’s eyes could not be bigger.
As I turn over robin food
He feasts like every robin should.

So you might laugh and not agree
A bird would find a friend in me.
I have to say, it does seem odd.
I can’t explain it, go ask God.

We’re a Bunch of Loonies


By Jim Hagarty

There are countless reasons I am glad to live in Canada. This is one of them.

Years ago, the government decided to get rid of our green one dollar bills. I forget the reasons now, but the plan was to introduce a gold-coloured, one-dollar coin. The change was made, and the transition went smoothly. We already had a one-dollar coin which we all referred to as the silver dollar, but for some reason, all governmentally like, it was decided a second coin was needed.

Also needed was a name for the new coin. We had the penny, the nickel, the dime, the quarter, the fifty cent piece and the silver dollar. What would this new dollar be called? The government dragged its heels.

So Canadians took it upon themselves. One of our favourite birds up here in Canada is the loon. Most often found in forested northern areas near lakes, the loon lets up a hauntingly beautiful cry.

Hence, our new one-dollar coin became the “loonie.” The name stuck. No official name was ever conceived of.

A few years later, those crazy government people were at it again. Time to get rid of our red two-dollar bill. Another new coin would be struck, this one a mixture of gold and silver.

Almost before the first one rolled off the assembly line, Canadians got busy. A loonie was worth one dollar and now we had a new coin that was worth two dollars. Nothing to do but to call it a “toonie.” We have no bird in Canada called a “toon”. But a loonie doubled just had to be a toonie.

There are a lot of government naming specialists looking for work today.

Now there is talk of issuing another new coin to take the place of our blue five-dollar bill. I am looking forward to the name this one will get. A “foonie”, maybe. A fivey. Or a “funny” to rhyme with money.

Back to why I love Canada.

We manage, somehow, from time to time, to still keep things pretty simple.

The Art of the Deal

By Jim Hagarty

Business people like, or should like, potential customers who ask a thousand questions about the item they are probably going to buy, especially the price.

They shouldn’t even take it wrong if the customer tries to haggle on the price and terms of payment among other things. The reason for this is, that person intends on paying for what he is about to buy, so price, quality, warranty, payment terms, etc. are all very important to him.

The wonderfully agreeable guy who just loves the item and has no questions to ask about anything, hardly even glancing at the price, is this way because he will not be paying for the purchase. He may not even know he won’t be paying for it, at least not consciously, but his cavalier attitude towards terms of the deal should be a potential red flag for the seller who might want to insist on cash or credit card.

This does not apply, of course, to the fabulously wealthy to whom price might not matter, but even for them, terms are important. They didn’t get rich and stay rich by throwing away their money.

My father told me this years ago and I thought it was pretty insightful.