Author: Jim Hagarty

By Jim Hagarty
2017

To the British politician who is advocating the death penalty for suicide bombers, you have my support. I hope no one is making fun of you for what they consider to a lame proposal, killing dead suicide bombers. I really do think you are onto something. Because suicide bombers are wily people. They make it look as though, following their bombing, their body parts are spread far and wide over the scene. That is exactly what they want you to think. In reality, they are like some chickens and turkeys that, after you chop off their heads, keep walking around for awhile without the assistance of brains. This analogy makes a lot of sense because one thing that is known is that a suicide bomber does not have a brain to begin with. That is a fact. A well-established one. He or she is walking around with a backpack over their shoulders but otherwise, headless and brainless. So the fact that, post bombing, the bomber’s arm is over there and his leg is on the other side of that car, while his head is who knows where, is no proof that he, in chicken-like fashion, is not able to strike again. In fact, the very absence of a brain in the first place is what seems to make the bomber the most dangerous. Imagine how much more lethal he would be if he is also missing numerous other body parts. He would be, logically, more difficult to detect if he is scattered all over a wide area. So yes, let’s find the bombers, scrape ’em up and toss ’em in a barrel and while traditional forms of death penalty executions might be a little hard to perform, might I suggest tossing a bomb into the barrel? Like the old commercials for a popular bug spray used to promise to do: Raid Kills Bug Dead! The secret and powerful message there was that it is not enough to kill suicide bombers; society needs to kill them dead. Sorry you live in England and I can’t vote for you. Good luck. Also, might I suggest, we burn down the bombers’ homes and when the fire is out, we reconstruct them and blow them up too? The Kill ‘Em Dead principle could be applied to lots of things. Brilliant.

Hank Williams Sr., left, and his grandson Hank III.

By Jim Hagarty
2013

Among all the pretty much useless facts I have accumulated over the years and never bothered to confirm because I am too lazy to do so is this one: We take our characteristics more from our grandparents than we do from our parents.

I don’t know whether or not this is scientifically true, but I do know that it seems to apply in my case. I never met my grandfathers but I think I share a lot of their characteristics. One was a writer and the other a musician, even though they farmed for a living. I consider myself both a writer and musician.

My Dad was neither of those things. However, he was a good farmer and businessman, something that might not have been true of his father, whose children thought of him as a dreamer. Dad’s business skills might have come from his grandfather who came from Ireland at the age of 18, cleared and farmed 150 acres, made a good living and retired when he was 55.

All of this is a long preamble to this: I am fascinated with Hank Williams and the other night I got hooked on a bunch of YouTube videos of his grandson Hank III performing. He is shown doing a couple of songs at the Grand Ole Opry and the resemblance to his Grampa both in appearance and sound is scary. Some people who attended the concert thought they were seeing a ghost.

Despite that, he is his own man – covered in tattoos and long hair – and he performs both country music and punk rock. The dozens of images of him on the Internet seem to portray him as a pretty wild guy. He and I would probably not have a lot in common and I can’t imagine a conversation between the two of us. But he does revere his Grandpa’s music and so do I so there would be that.

I spotted this 1983 Chrysler LeBaron in a parking lot in Stratford on the weekend. In one of the photos, the owner is shown with her car which had been a gift to her mother from her father in 1983. The current owner uses it a lot in summer and often has the convertible top down. One unique feature of the car is the simulated wood panelling on the sides.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

By Jim Hagarty
2017

I am not sure who is the sharpest tool in the toolbox. I know it isn’t me. The other day I complained to my family about a fitness centre located next door to my house. I noticed that the members of the centre started gathering for their morning’s workout shortly after 6 a.m., which seemed to me a ridiculous hour, coming as it does exactly one hour after 5 a.m.

“Why do they even go there?” I asked at the supper table. “They all look in great shape, none of them seem to need it.” I thought my reasoning was airtight. My daughter replied, “They look that way because they go to the fitness centre, Dad.” Well, that thought hadn’t occurred to me.

On the other hand, I am not the dumbest guy on the planet. And maybe this guy isn’t either but he’s in the running for the title. The Florida man to whom I refer leaned in to kiss a rattlesnake the other day. The eastern diamondback snake, I guess, was resistant to the man’s romantic offer of a kiss on the lips and it bit the rattlesnake whisperer on the tongue. The man had to be air lifted to hospital.

I feel some sympathy for the man as no one appears to have gotten him to slow down long enough to advise him in the matter. I was fortunate to be raised better, and I say that without bragging. I do not know how many times my father told me not to kiss a ratttesnake on the lips. I’m not aware if there is anywhere else on a rattlesnake to safely plant a harmless buss but my Dad’s warnings sort of put me off rattlesnakes, at least as objects of potential romance.

I have not lived an exciting life but I also have picked up not even one rattlesnake bite along the way. Swallowed a few flying bugs by accident, but that’s about it.

Looking Outward

As we grow from boy to man
Two avenues await:
We can face the world with love
Or align ourselves with hate.

It seems so hard in many ways
To connect ourselves with others,
But only if we turn aside
The lessons from our mothers.

For in their entire manner lies
The roadmap for our travels.
Care for others more than us,
If not, our life unravels.

By logic, putting others first
Would mean we’d come in last.
But life will show us otherwise
As our troubles mount up fast.

The world tells us to always seek
The best for number one
And ignore any good
Our better natures might have done.

But what we fail to recognize
Is meeting another’s need
Diverts us from our tendencies
For cruelty and greed.

It simply is not possible
To take and never give.
To try it is to just exist
And never really live.

• Jim Hagarty

By Jim Hagarty
2015

The real estate market in Indonesia must be getting pretty tough these days. A woman put her house up for sale and promised to marry the man who bought it. It’s more wholesome than it sounds. She had lots of offers but accepted one from a widower with two kids. She is a widow with two children as well. They clicked. Goes to show true love will find a way.

By Jim Hagarty
On Monday I saw an old blue car in a parking lot next to my house in Stratford, Ontario, Canada. I walked over and asked the car’s owner, who was still sitting inside, if I could take a few photos for my blog. He gave permission and told me a bit about his vehicle. It is a 1951 Dodge Kingsway, built in Canada in the same year I was born. The owner has considered painting it, but it has its original paint so he is reluctant to change it, even though it is a little sketchy in places. The interior is in great shape and the original AM radio is still there in the dash and still works.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

By Jim Hagarty
2013

There are moments in life when you see the totally unexpected. Things you haven’t seen before. Mountain goats jumping from rock to rock on a steep hill in Ireland as though they were cats. A falcon in a tree along a lonely road near Sudbury. A bobcat streaking across the road ahead of you in the Rockies of Alberta. And the other day, as I drove along the main street of my town, I saw a very unusual car in my rear-view mirror. It pulled into another lane and as it went by me, I saw that it was a Maserati. Probably worth as much as my house. Wow!