Everyone says we North Americans have become a lawsuit-happy society, taking each other to court over the littlest thing.
I disagree.
When some aspect of our welfare – or reputation – has been callously injured, we need to make the perpetrators of these misdeeds pay, if only to save others from the same fate. I cite here some examples (from AskMen.com) of what I mean. Real people suffering real harm and having the guts to do something about it.
A Swedish man who was friends with a lesbian couple wanted to help them have children so he donated sperm and soon the women had three kids. After breaking up with her significant other, however, the children’s biological mother sued the man for child support – and won. He now pays her a monthly allowance of $280.
While apparently trying to steal a soft drink from a vending machine, a young man was rocking it dangerously. It fell on him and killed him. His relatives sued the pop company and the Quebec university where the machine was located for $1 million in damages and funeral costs. No word yet on the outcome.
Meanwhile, a first-year college student in Idaho was mooning some friends from a third-floor dormitory window when the window gave way and he fell out and hurt himself. He sued the university for not warning him of the dangers of such activity. Unfortunately, he lost. Bummer!
However, a BMW owner in Alabama had a bit better luck. After buying the used car, he discovered the dealership had repainted some of it to conceal damage from acid rain. The man sued, and won $4,000 plus $2 million in punitive damages and well he should have. Beemer owners of the world unite!
This next one’s X-rated so beware. A Florida man got whiplash at his bachelor party while getting a lapdance from a stripper. He claimed the woman assaulted him with her oversized breasts, slamming them on his head and almost knocking him out. He said he suffered bodily injury and mental anguish and sued the topless club, which had sent the stripper to his party, for $15,000. However, the poor breastbeaten guy lost.
A New Jersey man was driving with a milkshake between his legs and when he leaned over to the passenger seat to get his meal from a fast-food bag his thighs squeezed the frozen liquid out of the cup, distracting him and causing him to veer into another car. He sued the fast-food restaurant for not warning him against eating and driving. Of course he deserved a big settlement, but what’s the world coming to? He lost.
A man attending a rock concert in San Diego spent four hours trying to get access to one of the stadium’s unisex bathrooms which were continually occupied by women. He suffered emotional distress from having to hold it in and sued the stadium and city for $5.4 million. Again, there is no justice; he lost. I assume he was pee-owed. The city tried to keep this quiet but it leaked out.
But here’s a guy who, thankfully, fared a little better. The 27-year-old man from Michigan was involved in a rear-end collision. Four years later, he sued the owners of the truck that was responsible for the mishap claiming that the accident had turned him into a homosexual. He had left his wife, moved in with his parents, began hanging out in gay bars, and became a fervent reader of gay literature. He won his case and was awarded $200,000, while his former wife received $25,000. A sensible settlement. Truck manufacturers need to do a better job of ensuring their vehicles do not lead people to become gay.
But the best proof that sanity still rules in the courtrooms of North America is this case. A man from Oklahoma bought a big motorhome. Driving it onto a freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 miles per hour and calmly left the driver’s seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. For some reason, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned while he was in the kitchen. The man sued the motorhome company for not advising him in the owner’s manual that he could not actually do this. He thought the cruise control was a self-driving mechanism. A jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new motorhome.
Let us all be thankful there are still a few sensible court systems in the world. Because he fought for his rights, the RV owner above is a hero. He has shown the rest of us the importance of being in the driver’s seat when the vehicle is moving. Almost $2 million compensation won’t even begin to repair the psychic damage his driverless RV’s crash has caused him.
If you need me, I can be found this afternoon at RVs’R Us.
©2005 Jim Hagarty