I have a terrible habit of ripping off my eyeglasses to get a closer look at the fine print on documents and other things. I recently was going over my Last Will and Testament and was shocked to see that my intention to leave all my riches to “the family of Gordie Howe” had somehow been changed to read “my family”, no mention of Mr. Hockey.
The way my habit causes me trouble is the fact that I often then sit on my glasses, especially when I am lounging on the couch. When I then retrieve my eyewear and replace them on my face, inevitably, they are as crooked as a dog’s hind leg, no matter I have never examined the hind legs of dogs to see if the comparison works. This is very frustrating, especially if I am due to be seen in public.
This requires me to visit my eye doctor to set things right. I worry he thinks I am intentionally doing this to provide him with his weekly quota of annoyance.
But I think I have discovered a way out of this dilemma.
A couple of nights ago, I looked in a mirror to discover that either my glasses were crooked or my face was. Given that my face hasn’t been rearranged since my early school days when the bully designated by the teacher to keep me in line used to go all Muhammad Ali on me several times a day.
So, another crooked set of glasses, just another day.
But last night, I sat on them again. After shouting out loud a few of the words I used to confess to my priest in my teenage years, I rushed to a mirror to try them on, fearing the worst. Lo and behold, the second instance of sitting on my specs had straightened them right out. Better than my eye doctor has ever done.
My only conclusion is that, in spite of the age-old warnings handed down, probably by the ancient Chinese …
Two wrongs do make a right.
©2023 Jim Hagarty
