The Hazards Of Hurry

By Jim Hagarty
1993

This week’s continuing feature, You’ll Never Get Sick Of Being Healthy, looks at ways to identify when it’s time to slow yourself down. Although much is written on the subject of hurry nowadays, many people, when confronted, do not believe they’re rushing about too quickly. They are often surprised to learn impatience is playing any part in their lives at all.

Here then, at 10 sure signs you are out of control and need to ease back on the throttle a bit to lower your RPMs by a thousand or two. If you have experienced three or more of the following situations, it’s time to throw the brakes on.

You’re in too big a hurry when:

1. You find yourself pushing open an automatic exit door at the supermarket;

2. You can’t wait for the toast to pop up on its own, but grab the little plunger and force it up, half toasted;

3. You pull your pants out of the dryer and though they’re still half wet, slide them on anyway;

4. You call in the Mounties to investigate if someone who arrived in the restaurant after you, gets his coffee first;

5. You count the number of items the people in front of you at the supermarket express lane have in their baskets and suffer mental meltdown if some of them are cheating;

6. You sound the emergency alarm if the car ahead of you hesitates for three milliseconds after the light has turned green;

7. You pop a left ventricle, swear at the cat and ram your fist in your ear if the receptionist on the phone puts you on hold;

8. You play dodge ’em with a couple of 18-wheelers in an attempt to save a few seconds running across the four lanes so you can stand in line at the bank;

9. You work up an aneurysm while in a bank lineup when you see a teller or two discussing the weather and weekend plans with other customers after their transactions have been made;

10. You sob like an actor on General Hospital when you come across an accident on the highway and are forced to slow your car down to a crawl.

Now, if you identified with three or four of the situations listed above, you are in the beginning stages of Nervous Wreckitis and need hot baths, long walks and more sleep. If you agreed with between five and seven of the examples, you’re a Heart looking for a place to Attack and are advised to check out May Is Discount Month at the local cemetery.

If you could identify with eight or more of the above items, it’s T-minus-10 and counting. All that’s needed now is a clear day for liftoff.