By Jim Hagarty
2012
In boxing, it’s called “leading with the chin.” In everyday life, that is the equivalent of giving people too much information about yourself. By revealing too many personal details of your life to others, you invite some of them, who are so inclined, to judge you, criticize you and advise you. This can have the effect of destroying your confidence, especially if you are a little hesitant about some venture or activity upon which you have embarked.
If the other person does not know a detail, it makes it very hard for him to make a remark about it. I’ve always been somewhat of an open book, many times too open. And I’ve had my knuckles rapped by those who would like to straighten me out.
This never ceases to make me angry but the anger is 10 per cent directed towards my critic and 90 per cent towards myself for allowing him or her the opening through which to walk with well-practised arrogance and condescension. It seems I never learn.
Often I find myself babbling on about things I shouldn’t discuss because I am nervous in someone else’s presence and am searching for something to talk about. So I end up getting career advice, money tips, even marriage counselling.
But the free commentary that infuriates me the most is when someone points out a few flaws she has noticed in the methods by which my wife and I are raising our family. This is especially galling coming from someone without kids but it seems I walk into the trap over and over again.
I can handle almost anyone thumping me on the head for perceived mistakes I make living my own life, but when the conversation turns to possible deficiencies in the way we raise our kids, the old Irish dander starts to fly.
On my most recent dressing down, I responded to my critic by standing up and saying, “You know what you just said right now? That is absolute BS!” Then I left.
Of course we are not perfect and there is always room for improvement but my approach to the raising of a family is this: “If you love them, nothing you do will be wrong. If you don’t love them, nothing you do will be right.”
A friend of mine shares next to nothing about herself with others. I don’t know how she does it but if she doesn’t want to tell you something about herself, good luck finding out about it. She lives by the motto “Mind your own business” and consequently, she likes everyone and everyone likes her.
Sometimes, it seems, discussing the weather and leaving it at that is good enough because you know, there isn’t much I can do to change it so I guess we’ll just have to accept it.
