By Jim Hagarty
In my part of the world, in southwestern Ontario, Canada, near Toronto, rural properties have taken to decorating their front yards in recent years, often with very creative arrangments involving big rocks, wood carvings, etc. I spotted this one yesterday near my hometown of Stratford, a unique reminder of a mode of travel in yesteryear.
By Jim Hagarty
2012
The sign on the wall above the front counter declared: No refunds, no exchanges. In smaller print below those two large warnings, was this one exception: These restrictions do not apply to Jim Hagarty.
I was glad to see that when, five minutes after I’d paid $3 for a double CD set of 30 top country songs performed by Anne Murray, I returned to the shop to ask for my money back. I had taken the CD out to my car, and when I opened it, there was only one Anne Murray CD in the case. The other one was gone. But in its place was a CD by opera diva Sarah Brightman.
First I asked if I could look on the shelf for the missing Anne Murray CD, but I knew I wouldn’t find it and I didn’t. The woman at the counter asked me if I would like to pick another CD instead and after looking at them all, I saw none I wanted more than Anne Murray. So, I went back to the counter and said I would just take my purchase and leave again. But before I did, the woman reached into the case and took out the Sarah Brightman CD.
“But, I paid for two CDs and got only one,” I protested. “I should get the Sarah Brightman CD that was inside the case.”
This was logic. But logic isn’t being taught in the schools any more and is not in the policy manual of this store, apparently.
“Tell you what,” said the nice woman behind the counter. “Give me a dollar and we’ll call it square.”
“Whaaaattttt????” I exclaimed, with just that number of the letter “a” and “t” plus four question marks.
But the woman wouldn’t budge. She wanted me to pay $4 in total for an Anne Murray two-CD set with one CD missing. My consolation prize was a Sarah Brightman CD. I love Sarah Brightman, but I couldn’t let this happen. My name was on the sign above the counter, after all.
Instead, Anne and Sarah stayed on the shelf and I rode home listening to my new 24 Greatest Hits of Frank Sinatra. It’s pretty darned good.
For $3.
The Case For Evolution
There is no animal alive
More dangerous than man.
I’ve tried to think of even one
But I don’t think I can.
No creature ever roamed the earth
With meaner inclinations.
No lion, tiger, shark or bear
Can match man’s degradations.
But man believes he is advanced
Because he dominates.
The truth is man’s the only kind
That destroys what he hates.
While other beings roar and growl
And seem to be a danger,
Man alone is happy to
Annihilate a stranger.
I wouldn’t go into a pen
With a mean rattlesnake,
But human cages I’ve been in
Were also a mistake.
I managed just now to escape
A human viper’s grasp.
I know how Cleopatra felt
When bitten by that asp.
We’re taught to love each other
But always it’s a test
Because some humans’ habitats
Are true Black Widows’ nests.
We talk of evolution
And mostly it seems true.
But life on Earth will not evolve
Until we humans do.
Bob, a golden retriever who lives in Brazil, has eight birdie friends and a hamster. His days are full.
Our poor little doggie Toby scratched his eyeball recently and has been stumbling around the house with a cone over his head ever since. The day he came home from the vet’s, he was in shock and refused to move a muscle. He had to be carried everywhere, upstairs, downstairs, out onto the lawn to pee. Two weeks later, however, he is a champion, navigating life as though he were coneless. Just a few more weeks …
By Jim Hagarty
2012
Sometime around 1960, there was a terrible tornado that ripped through Michigan. A day or two after, I hopped the fence to head for the apple orchard on our farm near Stratford, Ontario, Canada when I noticed an envelope in the grass. It was addressed to someone in Michigan.
I took it to my Dad and we headed back to the orchard for a more thorough search which turned up numerous pieces of Michigan mail. I don’t remember exactly how many pieces we found and I don’t know what became of them. Perhaps Dad took them to our local post office to re-post. He speculated that the storm must have picked up a mailbag and when it came apart, the items inside just floated away.
That is a long way for the funnel of a tornado to carry pieces of paper, probably 300 kilometres, at least.
That was probably the most unusual thing that happened during my years growing up on the farm.
By Jim Hagarty
2012
We are not used to earthquakes in our part of the world, thank God. I remember being frightened out of my mind looking at artists’ conceptions of the earth opening up and people falling into the cracks. I was sure such an event was right around the corner for us.
My Dad didn’t help matters much by telling his kids of an earthquake that did strike this area when he was young. I don’t think the centre of the quake was anywhere near the Stratford area but Dad said he remembered seeing the pictures on the wall at home swaying back and forth. Had it not been for seeing that, he might not have even known a quake had struck.
Fortunately, so far, I have not been gobbled up by any sudden opening in the ground but I’m always on the lookout!
This is a song from the recently released CD called $3 Pants by the Michael Earnie Taylor Orchestra based in Stratford, Ontario, Canada. The 12th song on the 13-song recording, Tourist Town was written by Michael Earnie Taylor. The CD is available in the Corner Store and the song can also be found under the Music link.
Tourist Town by the Michael Earnie Taylor Orchestra
(If the song doesn’t play on the main page of the blog, click on the large song title which will take you to the page where the song is located. It will play properly there. Or find it under the Music page.)
By Jim Hagarty
2017
Truth is stranger than fiction
I am all in favour of the mingling of species of bird and animal who normally wouldn’t be expected to get along.Those unusual co-minglings make great Facebook videos but there are limits.
A few years ago, a young man driving down a road in the U.S. saw a deer in a ditch that had just been hit and killed by a motorist. You and I in that situation would feel badly for the animal, and keep on driving.
Not this guy.
He jumped out of his car, took one look at the poor, expired animal and decided it would be a good idea to have sex with it, there and then in broad daylight. Which he did. And got caught doing, committing both necrophilia and bestiality all in one foul swoop.
Now, this morning, sex with an animal took on a much more dangerous nature. A young employee of a zoo in Florida was attempting to have sex with an alligator when the sea creature objected and retaliated.
You know, we all make terrible decisions, now and then, and those are usually based on bad ideas we allow to enter and percolate in our brains. No one would suddenly have sex with a deer or an alligator without first having tossed around the notion in their cranium.
For most people, to have any interaction with an alligator beyond basic care in a zoo setting, would be unimaginable. To attempt a loving relationship with one, defies any attempt by anyone to achieve some understanding of the phenomenon.
Sex, as a rule, is a pretty good thing, most would agree, even better if conditions are ideal.
But who on this green earth would look at an alligator with lust in his eyes?
Unless this whole thing is just fake news in which case, it’s all just a croc.
This photo of daffodils was taken by my friend Sandy Moses in Stratford, Ontario, Canada.
