As another new year dawns, there’s just a few simple things to remember. Here they are.
Don’t drink and drive. Wear your seatbelt.
Don’t drive too fast.
Don’t teach your kids to drive. Get them professional training.
Don’t be a couch potato. Get outside and exercise.
Keep your sidewalk shovelled off for your letter carrier. Be nice, clear your ice.
Don’t let the batteries in your smoke detectors run down.
Get your pets spayed and neutered. And immunized. Don’t let them roam free in your neighbourhood. Clean up after them.
Don’t treat senior citizens as if they were children.
Don’t be too nice to children who aren’t your own.
Don’t pray in school.
Don’t talk in church.
Don’t sleep with strangers. Don’t have unsafe sex.
Don’t smoke. Don’t smoke. Don’t smoke.
Don’t throw out cans, jars and newspapers. Put them in the blue recycling boxes.
Don’t tell ethnic, gender or sexual orientation jokes.
Don’t be a litterbug.
Don’t take elevators. Walking up stairs is good exercise.
Don’t throw out leftover food. Compost it in your backyard.
Don’t feel sorry for yourself.
Write to your member of Parliament. Speak out on issues.
Don’t just sit there. Get involved.
Use the same bags every time you go grocery shopping so the growing glut of plastic in our landfill sites can be reduced.
Don’t eat fatty foods.
Don’t sit too close to the TV. Don’t watch too much TV.
Don’t forget to floss.
Don’t spend too much time in the sun.
Don’t carry too much cash. Don’t overspend. Don’t get too deep in debt.
Don’t forget to be grateful.
Don’t buy products from companies that support practices you don’t like.
Don’t ignore crimes you witness. Call police or Crimestoppers or both.
Don’t take your car if you work downtown. Businesses need the parking space. Don’t park in restricted areas.
Give blood.
Learn CPR.
Support local charities.
Go to night school.
Don’t drink too much coffee.
Don’t die without a will.
Don’t make too much noise.
Don’t have kids you can’t afford.
Don’t work too hard.
Don’t just sit there. Get a job.
Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Don’t be late.
Don’t smoke. Don’t smoke. Don’t smoke.
Don’t argue with your spouse, your “love interest”, or both.
Don’t follow firetrucks.
Don’t be so selfish.
Don’t be sad. Don’t get mad. Don’t be bad.
Don’t eat between meals.
Don’t wear fur.
Don’t yell at your cats.
Don’t hold it all inside.
Ah, quit your complaining.
And, of course, don’t lie, cheat, steal or be envious, proud, angry, slothful, gluttonous, greedy or lustful.
Other than that, have a fun-filled, happy new year!
©1988 Jim Hagarty
