It is never a bad time to turn our attention to the Canadian economy, although there is a complicating factor that needs to be considered. Which is scarier? A thousand politicians ignoring the economy or a thousand politicians trying to do something about the economy?
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In any case, we may as well all jump on this latest bandwagon as it rolls by and so here, free of charge, are five foolproof ways to get rid of our economic woes.
- I think it’s becoming pretty clear that what we need in this country is more money. So, what the heck? Let’s make more. Put on another shift at the mint and get those presses rolling. Send everybody five, shiny new $1,000 bills in the mail and see what happens. (A word of caution. Don’t stand in any store entrances unless you want to get trampled.)
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Politicians who have proposed increasing the size of Parliament to improve national unity in Canada, could perhaps simply transfer that concept over to the economic realm. Increase the size of the House of Commons, for example, from 282 members to 2,820,000, and give every unemployed person a seat. Hire two more unemployed people as consultants to each new MP.
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Perhaps it’s time for some innovative fundraising tactics in this country. A pancake surtax, for example. Why should pancake eaters not pay their share? What about tollgates for joggers? Fines for too many people on a couch? Recycling deposits on hairbrushes and combs?
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We need to look closely at where most of our money is being spent. At present, it appears as if a lot of it is going just to pay bills. Why don’t we all just move so the bill collectors can’t find us?
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Finally, and this seems so simple it seems surprising no one has thought of it yet, it’s pretty clear people earn more when they work overtime. So, let’s shorten the workweek to 10 hours, and declare everything else overtime.
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To every economic woe, there is a solution. Now all we need is the will, as in – will anyone adopt any of my great ideas?
Didn’t think so.
©1992 Jim Hagarty
