My Internet Buying Spree

By Jim Hagarty
2004

I’m worn out today as I was busy on the Internet last night spending $455 for three teaspoons of water from a cup Elvis Presley drank from during one of his final performances in 1977. My family thought we might have used that money for a new TV or digital camera but they do not have their priorities straight.

The guy I bought the water from – a trustworthy fellow if there ever was one – was at that concert and watched the King drink from that very cup. He took the cup home and put it in his freezer, water and all, only now agreeing to part with it to help guys like me keep the memories alive

And it was me who paid out $2,500 for a Britney Spears book report and another $800 for a Jimi Hendrix Junior High School Yearbook from 1961.

My wife suggested that money might go towards a new front door and bay window but any time you can get a Britney Spears book report for such a reasonable price, you simply have to jump at the chance. A true appreciator of valuable cultural artifacts knows that.

I also was the one who had the good sense to anonymously bid $650,000 for the guitar George Harrison used for several tracks on one of the Beatles later albums (I admit I had to take out a mortgage for this one). George, it seems, though no longer around to verify this, gave that guitar to a friend whose brother stuck it under his bed where it stayed for 30 years. If I had a Beatles guitar under my bed, I think I might have remembered that, but no matter.

The important thing is it’s lying under my bed now and I can pull it out and plunk away on it any time I please. I sound very Georgish when I do.

I agree this was a lot of money to spend for an old guitar – the people I live with had suggested a new car, cottage and camper van – but they will be glad some day for my foresight.

A good day’s shopping wouldn’t be complete without spending $54,000 for never-before-heard original tapes of a John Lennon interview by a reporter for the Washington Star newspaper from 1975.

And I am afraid I couldn’t help myself. I just had to have those three ringside photographs of Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier from their 1971 fight, taken by Frank Sinatra, and so I spent $14,500 to get them and I did.

Sure I expect my house insurance rate to increase by a few thousand dollars now and I will live in eternal fear of my treasures being stolen, lost, or accidentally destroyed – hopefully somebody won’t drink the Elvis water by mistake – but when you have vision, and a friendly banker, you just have to go for it now and then.

My funds are getting low but if anyone knows how I could get a hold of one of Madonna’s hair curlers, I’d appreciate a call.

Author: Jim Hagarty

I am a 72-year-old retired journalist, busy recovering from a lifelong career as an unretired journalist. This year marks a half century of my scratching out little fables about life. My interests include genealogy, humour and music. I live in a little blue shack in Canada and spend most of my time trying to stay out of trouble. I am not that good at it. I also spent years teaching journalism. Poor state of journalism today: My fault. I have a family I don't deserve, a dog that adores me, and two cars the junk yard refuses to accept. My prized possessions include my old guitar and a razor my Dad gave me when I was 14 and which I still use when I bother to shave. Oh, and my great-great-grandfather's blackthorn stick he brought from Ireland in the 1850s. I have only one opinion but it is a good one: People take too many showers.