By Jim Hagarty
2017
To the British politician who is advocating the death penalty for suicide bombers, you have my support. I hope no one is making fun of you for what they consider to a lame proposal, killing dead suicide bombers. I really do think you are onto something. Because suicide bombers are wily people. They make it look as though, following their bombing, their body parts are spread far and wide over the scene. That is exactly what they want you to think. In reality, they are like some chickens and turkeys that, after you chop off their heads, keep walking around for awhile without the assistance of brains. This analogy makes a lot of sense because one thing that is known is that a suicide bomber does not have a brain to begin with. That is a fact. A well-established one. He or she is walking around with a backpack over their shoulders but otherwise, headless and brainless. So the fact that, post bombing, the bomber’s arm is over there and his leg is on the other side of that car, while his head is who knows where, is no proof that he, in chicken-like fashion, is not able to strike again. In fact, the very absence of a brain in the first place is what seems to make the bomber the most dangerous. Imagine how much more lethal he would be if he is also missing numerous other body parts. He would be, logically, more difficult to detect if he is scattered all over a wide area. So yes, let’s find the bombers, scrape ’em up and toss ’em in a barrel and while traditional forms of death penalty executions might be a little hard to perform, might I suggest tossing a bomb into the barrel? Like the old commercials for a popular bug spray used to promise to do: Raid Kills Bug Dead! The secret and powerful message there was that it is not enough to kill suicide bombers; society needs to kill them dead. Sorry you live in England and I can’t vote for you. Good luck. Also, might I suggest, we burn down the bombers’ homes and when the fire is out, we reconstruct them and blow them up too? The Kill ‘Em Dead principle could be applied to lots of things. Brilliant.
