By Jim Hagarty
2015
If we truly listen to others, we can often find out a lot about ourselves. I know this has been true for me.
For example, today, during a conversation with my neighbour, I learned from him that I am an asshole. I have always had my suspicions that I was one but then doubt would creep in and I would begin to think that I was maybe not an asshole. But my neighbour has not been the first person in my life to convey this information to me so I detect a theme and being an evidence-based thinker, I am very close to concluding that all these people issuing assessments of my character qualities or lack thereof, might actually have a point.
I don’t intend to change so that is further proof, I guess, of my assholedness. If I was not an asshole, I would work very hard to make sure I stayed that way.
My neighbour and I were discussing a fence that he erected this week to block a pathway that my family and I – and all the neighbours – have used to go to the store and coffee shop for the past 29 years. I could go along with the fence, perhaps, except it is not on his property. And it is not really just a fence, just a large piece of plywood with two layers of rocks on top.
To my recollection, all I said was, “So, are you proud of your new Wall of Doom, Dennis?” This brought about the asshole declaration, and I responded, “Thank you Dennis, I am glad we got that cleared up.” I may have also asked him if I could put him down on my resume as a character reference.
I don’t often wage face-to-face Wars of Words with people because I am not very good at them. I usually walk away with a whole list of things that occur to me later that I should have said. During this event, for probably the first time, I was a regular Don Rickles and I walked away with nothing left that I wish I would have said. Spoken like a true asshole, I suppose.
But on reflection, I actually do have one thing left to tell my neighbour. He has festooned his rented property with a hundred solar lights. I want to tell him that he can put up all the pretty lights he wants, but that if his neighbours hate him, he hasn’t got very much. His misery is oozing out over the neighbourhood like an oil spill.
How sad.
But on the bright side, at least he’s not an asshole.
Update: A few days after the erection of the Wall of Doom, the famous barrier disappeared. I had no idea why or who might have undertaken the removal. I even thought maybe my complaint to my neighbour had had the desired effect but a few months later, my son confessed that he was the one who cleared the pathway of the obstruction. I was glad it was gone but I hope I am not raising another you know what.
