By Jim Hagarty
1987
I was driving down a back road in South Easthope Township the other day (actually, concessions and sideroads are only back roads to outsiders. Everyone in the country lives “just off the main road”) when I saw a pick-up truck bouncing my way. As our vehicles met, the driver of the truck raised one hand from the steering wheel and gave me a friendly wave. Instinctively, I waved back.
Now, a man reared in the city might have spent the next several hours trying to figure out “who the heck” that guy was who waved at him from his truck. Or, if he didn’t know the truck driver, how did the truck driver know him? Or maybe the truck driver just thought he knew him. Or maybe he was just trying to kill a bug and wasn’t waving at all.
In any case, no such thoughts were provoked in me by the man’s wave. Out in the country, waving to a stranger on the road is as natural as not locking the doors on your car. It’s not only a gesture that comes naturally to friendly, rural folk, it’s a long-lived tradition among farmers everywhere and like all customs that endure the changing times, waving to strangers has its assorted unwritten rules and regulations.
For example, there is an age at which it becomes permissible to start waving and before which it is not. Five year olds don’t wave to strangers, especially adults, but by the time they reach 10 or so, it’s allowed, even expected. Makes a boy feel good to have a man wave back. On my trips around the county, I often get a big wave from kids on bikes, who almost end up in the ditch after losing their balance when they raise a hand from their handlebars.
You don’t have to actually look, or smile at the person you’re waving at. The wave says it all. Any style will do, but it’s advisable to stay away from the dainty, little handkerchief wave the women of old used to give their men at dockside before they sailed away to sea. Something more direct and bold, moving your arm from side to side in windshield-wiper fashion, for example, is better.
Pity a family whose farmhouse is located close to the road. They pretty well have to wave to everybody who goes by (unless they live along a major highway, in which case they can forgivably ignore passersby), so being outside on a Sunday afternoon can be a tiring experience. Families in houses well back from the road don’t have to wave.
There seems to be some sort of magical distance a person can be from the road where waving becomes optional. It used to present an annoying dilemma for me when I was out on a tractor, cultivating or plowing a field at the front of the farm. If I was too far back from the road, a wave would look ridiculous. On the other hand, if the tractor got close to the road and I didn’t wave, I felt like a heel.
It’s okay to not have a wave returned. The world, after all, is populated with many unfriendly folk. But to not return a wave is, well, wrong. I often felt so bad when I neglected to wave, especially to a neighbour, I would consider driving past them again just so I could throw my arm out the window and dispel any thoughts they might be entertaining that I was being unfriendly. Because, in the country, to be unfriendly is social suicide, and stupid. In the city, on the other hand, it seems being too friendly is unwise. You just can’t stand around waving at everybody that drives by you or stop and talk to everyone you meet, or you’d get nothing done. But in the country, if you don’t have your neighbours, you haven’t got very much.
If there is more than one person in the car, one wave from one of the occupants will count for the whole crew. That honour’s usually reserved for the father and if he’s not along, the driver or the oldest adult aboard. Waving from a tractor is a must, especially from the kind with no cab. You might get past St. Peter some day if he knew you hadn’t waved from a car, a truck, or a big, modern, glassed-in tractor, but if you go bouncing on your open-air tractor seat past a farmer at his mailbox and don’t wave, forget the prayers, you’re doomed.
As simple as waving from a car window or tractor seat may sound, there are times when the proper thing to do just isn’t clear. For example, do you wave to your father if you meet him on the road? Doesn’t it seem a little ridiculous to wave to someone you ate breakfast with, did the chores with and fixed a fence with only a hour or two ago? The answer is, yes, it is a little silly. However, lest Dad think you’re harbouring a complaint he doesn’t believe you ought to be ruminating over, it might be best to raise a few fingers from the wheel, without actually lifting your hand, so you’ve at least acknowleged his presence. Chances are good he’ll do the same.
What about the police? If you wave at the occupant of a cruiser, will he think you’re being bold and turn around to see what you’re trying to hide by your over-friendliness? And if you don’t wave, will he take that as a sign you’re avoiding him?
A similar dilemma occurs whenever you meet an enemy on the road. To wave might be neighbourly, but it might also betray a weakening in your resolve to keep him reminded of what you think of him. This works: just at the moment when to wave is unavoidable, turn in the tractor seat and look at the cultivator behind you, to see if everything’s all right. Or, if you’re in a car, turn quickly to check on imaginary parcels in the back seat. In both cases, your enemy won’t know if you didn’t wave because you’re still mad or you didn’t wave because you were suddenly distracted. Except that he is unlikely to have seen you not wave because he was probably checking out his plow or glove compartment at the time.
So if you’re driving in the country, and you see someone waving at you, don’t be alarmed or confused. It is not an invitation to drop over for supper and, you’re right, you don’t have a clue who that person is. To a total stranger, the wave means: you’re in friendly territory and you won’t be bothered unless you bother us.
Soldiers salute. Salesmen shake hands. Actors hug.
But farmers wave. And that’s still my favourite form of greeting.
