By Jim Hagarty
2015
As if the world wasn’t dangerous enough, now cops are being attacked by women’s breasts and this just isn’t right. (Actually, in the case here described, it was the left one.)
Leave it to women to find a way to employ those vital life-giving glands to beat up male officers of the law. In Hong Kong, a female protester has been found guilty of assaulting a police officer with that well-known weapon: her breast. The woman was convicted of using her chest to bump the right arm of a chief inspector as the officer tried to control a protest in March. She claimed that what had actually happened was the officer took the opportunity in the midst of the chaos to reach over and grab her breast but fortunately, a wise deputy magistrate saw through that feeble lie and told her that what she had done was a malicious act.
Now, I am not a police officer and any place that hired me to be one would be very poorly protected from wrongdoers, but I think even I would have a little trouble going back to the police station and telling the other officers that I had just been attacked by a breast. The others would be getting treated after being hit by rocks, bricks and wooden objects. Some would be trying to recover from awful kicks to the groin by young people in steel-toed boots. Others would have been slashed by sharp objects of various descriptions. Some would be rushed to hospital. But a hush would come over the room when someone asked Chief Inspector Jim Hagarty what had happened to him, since I was displaying no visible wounds.
“Well,” I would say between tears. “A young woman smacked my arm with her breast.” The room would break out in groans of dismay and calls for revenge, but I would have none of it.
“Don’t worry,” I would say. “I have charged her and she will pay for her crime.” As obviously she should. Nothing can restore the chief inspector’s peace of mind, but at least this conviction in court is a start.
In time, it is hoped, that boob boo on his arm will heal enough to let him get on with his life.
