By Jim Hagarty
2012
We don’t have big parties at our place any more. This is one of the reasons why.
After a lively gathering years ago, one friend insisted on driving home in spite of the fact that he had had far too much to drink. He’s bigger than me so wrestling the keys out of his pocket was not an option. He was the last to leave the house and had more than 10 miles to drive on a main highway to his home in the country.
I was freaking out with worry that tragedy awaited him and whomever he might smash into on his drive home so after he left I hopped in my car and started following him at a slight distance, just like in the movies. I had to stay back a bit because I didn’t want him to recognize me but it was early in the morning and there were not many other vehicles on the road so it wasn’t hard to keep him in sight.
Pie-eyed as my friend was, he seemed to be doing a pretty good job of staying between the lines. The only giveaway might have been that he was driving a bit slower than the speed limit. At this time of day, this is always a tip off to police.
However, part of the way home, my friend surprised me by turning down a gravel sideroad and stopping by the side of the road to answer the call of nature. I didn’t dare turn down that road as that would have given me away completely, so I pulled over on the highway and waited. But when he turned around and got back on the highway, I realized that if he passed me, he would recognize my car and realize I was stalking him. This would not be good for our friendship.
So, I pulled back on the road quickly and started off down the highway, careful to keep far enough ahead of the guy I had been trailing to avoid his recognizing me or my car. Now, having set off to follow a drunk driver home and to be there if anything happened, I was now being pursued by that same driver and had to keep my speed up to avoid detection. At this point there were two of us breaking the law: He was drunk driving and I was speeding!
To my relief, my friend turned into his driveway when we got to his place and I was able to eventually turn around and take my time getting back safely to my home. With my starting out fixating on his vehicle, to pulling off on the shoulder and eventually speeding to avoid his detecting me along with his obvious inebriation, it was a toss up which one of us was more of a danger on the road that night.
These days I prefer to sleep through the middle of my nights rather than engage in games of highway tag and so our party house is closed until further notice.
