I am a careful consumer. I check things out for a long time sometimes before I buy something. I might go to two or three stores to comparison shop and drive the salespeople nuts with all my questions.
I approach all commerce with some degree of skepticism, wary of ripoffs, unimpressed with over-the-top product claims. I am a hard sell.
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I am well-educated and worked hard during my life. I’ve tried to be responsible, owning homes, paying taxes, never dodging financial commitments.
I am tempted to say my Mom didn’t raise any fools. If she were here, Mom might say “no comment” to that.
So, when I got a call from a guy yesterday announcing that I had won $8.5 million, I immediately thought, with all my good sense on display, “Yippee!”
The caller explained at length how I had won this fortune but I didn’t hear many details. I was already spending my $8.5 million.
My benefactor said he was calling from Las Vegas and that the cheque had been sent to my home but the Canadian government intervened and stopped the transaction because no cheque larger than $300,000 can be cashed in this country. So it was sent back. I briefly wondered how the government would see inside an envelope addressed to me, but no matter. A small detail. This was too good to be true and yet, it was true.
I was then told that I could pick up the cheque if I would like to come to Las Vegas and, in fact, I would be put up for free in a nice hotel for three days if I could make it. If that didn’t suit me, a representative would come right to my door in the next few days to deliver my winnings.
But, somewhere in the back of my mind, the notion that wanting untrue things to be true is the root cause of most terrible commercial deals, failed business ventures and terrible marriages, crept in. And when another adult in the room heard my end of this telephone conversation, she commanded me, “Hang up!”
I hung up. I have heard that tone of voice before.
I left the house, got in my 22-year-old jalopy, drove to the coffee shop and ordered a small regular to go. I might have bought a cookie, too, but you know, I didn’t have the heart, having just lost $8.5 million.
And a free trip to Vegas.
Sigh.
I did not bring a coffee home to the other adult in the room.
(See “no fools” above.)
©2019 Jim Hagarty
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