The Speaker’s Corner

By Jim Hagarty
2013

Okay, so there are better ways to start the day than this.

I just got home from having blood taken from me at the lab after a 12-hour fast, when there was a message on the phone to call my wife at her office. So I called. She answered and then said, “Just a minute.”

The phone sort of went dead and I thought she was putting me on hold. So I said in as charming a way as I could, “Awww, c’mon! I’ve gotta get some fucking food into me.”

She came back on the line, seemingly flustered.

“I was on speakerphone, wasn’t I?” I asked. Turns out I was. She hadn’t put me on hold; she was preparing for a conference call and she was trying to take me off speakerphone.

At least her bosses and all the other VIPs didn’t hear my sweet nothings.

I’m hoping for joint custody of the kids but that’ll be up to the judge, I guess.

Author: Jim Hagarty

I am a 72-year-old retired journalist, busy recovering from a lifelong career as an unretired journalist. This year marks a half century of my scratching out little fables about life. My interests include genealogy, humour and music. I live in a little blue shack in Canada and spend most of my time trying to stay out of trouble. I am not that good at it. I also spent years teaching journalism. Poor state of journalism today: My fault. I have a family I don't deserve, a dog that adores me, and two cars the junk yard refuses to accept. My prized possessions include my old guitar and a razor my Dad gave me when I was 14 and which I still use when I bother to shave. Oh, and my great-great-grandfather's blackthorn stick he brought from Ireland in the 1850s. I have only one opinion but it is a good one: People take too many showers.