By Jim Hagarty
2015
I have an old caulking gun in the garage and I had thought of getting rid of it as I rarely use it. But now I see an opportunity to put it to work and make some money at the same time.
A Toronto-area woman used her caulking gun to inject silicone into the buttocks of nine women who paid her thousands of dollars each for the privilege. As it happens, I also have several half-tubes of silicone lying around so two birds, one stone, etc. And I am willing to charge less for the procedure than this woman did.
The women who lined up for the injection all wanted bigger butts and it seems they got their wish. The fact that one woman still can’t sit down months after getting injected is a minor point. Another became very sick and had to have an operation to have the stuff removed but nothing is perfect, is it? Maybe she had a pre-existing condition, such as a normal body, which rejected the caulking gun stuff, etc.
The pretend plastic surgeon also offered to inject her special concoction into lips and muscles but I think it’s important to specialize and so I plan to stay focused on women’s butts, something I have been focused on for many, many years.
Sadly, my caulking gun hero might find herself spending 10 years in jail sitting on her own rear end, unenhanced, I presume. But this won’t happen to me. Her fatal mistake was conducting her procedures in shady hotel rooms. Very unprofessional. I will open up my business in my garage.
So, if you’re interested, just call my toll-free number 1-800-BIG-BUTT. Book an appointment soon as I expect to be a little behind in my work pretty quickly.
Or a lot behind.
