Coming to Terms

By Jim Hagarty
2015
I just reached an agreement with the gigantic Rogers company today. I will pay them money and they will give me cellphone service. Tonight, they sent me details of the agreement we apparently made. It is 10 pages long and has 10 sections, all with subsections. The document uses 4,655 words to spell out: you give us money, we will give you cellphone service. I tried reading through the thing but all I could see were the dire penalties awaiting me if I so much as fart in their general direction, which I am very tempted to do. (Section 9, Subsection C states: No farting in our general direction.) As far as I can figure, if I stop paying Rogers, they will cut off my cellphone service. So here is my amended contract: “Pay Rogers, use phone. Stop paying Rogers, no phone.” And they can fart in my general direction all day long. I keep my windows closed.

Author: Jim Hagarty

I am a 72-year-old retired journalist, busy recovering from a lifelong career as an unretired journalist. This year marks a half century of my scratching out little fables about life. My interests include genealogy, humour and music. I live in a little blue shack in Canada and spend most of my time trying to stay out of trouble. I am not that good at it. I also spent years teaching journalism. Poor state of journalism today: My fault. I have a family I don't deserve, a dog that adores me, and two cars the junk yard refuses to accept. My prized possessions include my old guitar and a razor my Dad gave me when I was 14 and which I still use when I bother to shave. Oh, and my great-great-grandfather's blackthorn stick he brought from Ireland in the 1850s. I have only one opinion but it is a good one: People take too many showers.