By Jim Hagarty
1990
The next time you witness something that disturbs you, and you’re sure you know exactly what’s going on and why, please think of what happened to me on Wednesday.
When I went to my car in the parking lot to head home from work, I saw an empty beer bottle lying on its side by my left front tire. Being an environmentally aware man of the ’90s and thinking about the dime I could earn just by returning the bottle to the store, I decided to pick it up.
No big deal.
I stood my prize upright on the floor of the car over on the passenger’s side and put the car in reverse. But as soon as the car moved, the bottle fell over. Worrying that it might spill some of its remaining contents on the rug, I picked up the bottle and gripped it in my right hand as I drove, holding it below the dash and away from me.
To this point, everything was going well and my good deed for the day was being done to my great satisfaction, even if the rest of the world was taking no notice of it all. But that’s the thing about good works. In order for them to benefit you spiritually, they shouldn’t be done in the glare of attention from the public. Quietly go about being wonderful and don’t ask for applause. You’ll get your reward somewhere along the line.
As for me, my reward’s still out there somewhere, seeing as how, predictably, I soon forgot I was carrying a beer bottle in my right hand and started driving with both hands on the steering wheel. This had the effect of raising the bottle well above the dash and into the full view of passersby on the sidewalks and drivers in other cars.
As I sat waiting for a red light at a busy intersection in town, I began to notice disapproving stares directed my way. People scowled as they crossed the street in front of my car and I started to get the feeling pedestrians were pointing at me.
At the same time, I suddenly felt a glare burning down on me like desert sun on sand and when I turned, I could see a look of great disapproval written on the face of the driver of the car waiting at the lights beside me. I looked away and then looked back to make sure it was me the man was scolding with his expression. When I was sure it was me, I gave him a sourpuss look of my own and mumbled something impolite under my breath.
“What a grouch,” I thought. “Cheer up, will ya? It can’t be that bad.”
Just before the light changed, I saw it – THE BEER BOTTLE! Dancing on the top of my steering wheel to the beat of the music on the radio. To the world at the corner of Waterloo and Ontario streets, I was a drinking and driving lunatic, a RIDE program renegade, having a party in my car in the middle of the afternoon. In broad daylight.
Guys like me should be stopped.
I put the bottle on the floor and drove through the intersection with my eyes straight ahead. This was one good deed from which I expect to get the full, spiritual benefit.
